No 'Aha' Moment

"Well, Mrs. Reisch!  I'd know you anywhere!" she said as Bob and I entered the funeral parlor. We had  come to the funeral of a 93 year old woman who was a member of our church, and I had no idea that this person was her daughter, Linda.  Embarassed, looking for clues as to why she'd know me anywhere, I asked her to help me to remember.  "My son, Steven, read a scripture at Jeff's funeral," she said. "They were good friends, about the same age."  I apologized profusely at my lack of memory, and sat down with the only other person, besides the pastor, I knew in the room.  Racking my brain, I asked this lady about the family formerly attending church.   But, no 'Aha' moment.  Linda came back to us with Stephen, and I said, "Nice to see you again, Stephen.  This is Jeff's dad, Mr. Reisch."  (I should have shaken his hand, but didn't.)  Turning again to my friend, I said, "I feel absolutely terrible that I can not remember Stephen taking part in Jeff's funeral!"  She smiled and said, "Times like that you're in a fog anyway.  You don't remember very much."  After the service I smiled as we shook Linda's hand, but left in another fog.  Thought about it for quite a while, but no 'Aha' moment.~~~Sometimes our lives make ripples we don't even remember, but for other people it's a long memory.  Lord, continue to bless the people whom Jeff blessed.  Thank you!

Advocates From Years Ago

 "Mrs. Reisch?"  Yes! We recognized each other at about the same time.  Chet Fery , known as The Bread Man, had just finished his presentation at our Lutheran Women's Communion Brunch program.  His audience listened closely to his stories - Breadtime Stories - about the people he has met while encouraging kids and adults to make bread.  He invited us to tell our own Bread stories, and emphasized the way the kindness of sharing bread (in the last 10 years, he has made over 30,000 loaves) can change peoples' lives.~~~As Chet Fery greeted the women afterward, he surprised me with his words, "Mrs. Reisch?  Yes!!  I knew Jeff!  He was a wonderful boy, full of love - unconditional love!"  Mrs. Fery had come with him, and she knew Jeff from his days at BOCES.  A double blessing!  It made my day!  Jeff's life has had a ripple effect 20 to 30 years later!!  Wow!  Lord!

Your Garden is Doing Fine, Jeff

Purple -- Jeff's favorite color!! The purple mums in our garden, and the purple bouquets on the altar Sunday morning joyfully celebrate Jeff's life among all of us. I've just finished reading, "The Garden Is Doing Fine," by Carol Farley, in which a young teen is fighting to let her dying father go. It's late fall and her dad wants to know how his garden is doing. She wants to be honest and tell him there is no garden any more now. When two painfully honest neighbors tell her that her father will be remembered for his caring long after he has died, she realizes that she is his garden, and the seeds he has planted in her will go on season after season. At the end, she can say, "Your garden is doing fine, Dad."~~~Jeff's garden is doing fine. He has planted his love, and the love of God in many hearts along the way. Jeff's life, and his going to be with Jesus in the beautiful month of October, will be celebrated with an awesome, thankful purple hue!!

Camp Joy and Beyond

Sometimes a book will wait for a reader for many months, or, beckon one back. It will wait for it's own time. I'm thinking of the woman at the "Celebrating 30 Years of Camp Joy" Banquet this weekend. After the dinner was over, she came up to me to say she had just finished "Journey With Jeff; Inspiration for Caregivers of People with Special Needs ," and liked it very much. Her husband had brought it back to her from a synod-wide Lutheran meeting a couple of Junes ago. (I thought he looked familiar!)~~~Today a note came from a pastor friend who, a few years ago, had helped me decide the title of Jeff's book. He said, "I have been re-reading 'Journey With Jeff.' I was just thinking that if I was teaching pastoral counseling or clinical pastoral eduction it would be required reading. It's a wonderful book." ~~~Having this book be required reading in a college course would be ideal!!!~~~And, back at the Camp Joy Banquet, a woman read her poem about Camp Joy being a pool and the staff the ripples on the pool. Afterward, I mentioned to her that I was planning on sharing how Jeff's life had a ripple effect on the people in the pools around him. She asked where to find "Journey With Jeff" so she could read it for herself. (see Liftbridge Book Store in Brockport, NY, or Amazon.com.) The photo is Jeff enjoying his tube at Camp Joy.

Advocates for Jeff and Friends

Today I'm wearing a tee-shirt with the words, "Celebrating 30 Years of Camp Joy" emblazoned on the left shoulder. In 1981, Joan Van De Wall and I wrote a grant for a week of Faith-based Camp for people with special needs like Jeff who had aged out of other summer camps. How he loved Camp Joy!! At the Banquet Celebration of these 30 years of growth, and struggles, and blessings, Joan asked the 2011 Camp Joy Staff to share some of their stories of healing and blessings they'd experienced this year. The staff shared story after story of how they'd gained more from the campers than they'd given. Joan ended her thank-yous to all those who had served on the Camp Joy staff over the years by asking me to speak about Jeff's last days with Leukemia at the hospital. Since she had been there, too, she recalled that Jeff had been adamant about going back to his group house, even with a possibility of hospice care. Finally, "Yes, Mom!! Go back to Group Home!!" melded into, "Yes, Mom, I'm ready to go and see Jesus now." ~~~ Jeff has been gone 23 years in Ocotober. I haven't cried in a long time, but I cried at that Banquet. Thank You, Lord, for the people who cared so much for Jeff, and helped him be ready to go to see You!!

Surprise Advocates!

"Please bring a copy of Journey With Jeff to the gathering for me to purchase for my daughter," wrote a far-away friend in an e-mail. Claudia and her daughter, who was visiting from North Carolina, gathered with the state-wide Lutheran Women at the Notre Dame Retreat Center in Canandaigua last weekend. When I handed her a copy of "Journey With Jeff; Inspiration for Caregivers of People with Special Needs," her daughter said a friend of hers also might want a copy. As Claudia purchased a second book she said, "I keep my copy on my coffee table in the living room, where people pick it up and ask about it." Here was another illustration of my friend Lynne's exclamation that "Journey With Jeff" has a life of its very own!" How wonderful to find Surprise Advocates!!

The Power of Words

 
Jeff's Aunt Lois had been matriarch of the Reisch family for many years. Her husband, Jeff's Uncle Dutch, called her the "perfect pastor's wife." They made a good team. Last Easter Aunt Lois went to be with the Lord - and with Jeff - and Uncle Dutch felt utterly lost. He wrote, "I read, 'Journey With Jeff' again - what a blessing!! Those last chapters saved my life....I could have become a hermit! But, I'm involved now in my retirement community, and there's so much going on I can hardly get lonely. I preach almost every Sunday. I sing in the Communtiy Chorus and in the Barbershop Quartet." There's not much Jeff's Uncle Dutch isn't involved in at his retirement community in Zelienople, PA.~~~Dutch's reponse alone is a good reason to have written the book!

Inspiration for Advocates

 
"Hello Sybil, You probably don't remember me, but I felt compelled to reach out to you." Thus began a letter from a gal who identified herself as someone who had worked at the South Avenue group home for Lifetime Assistance while Jeff lived there. "Jeff left an indelible mark on my heart and I have always thought of him with great joy. He could teach the world a lot about loving life! I was trying to find Marge, one of the staff I worked with, so I typed in LAI, and found a Newsletter with an article about Jeff on the front page. I knew instantly who Jeff Reisch was and began to cry with happy memories. I remember how Jeff used to call Marge "Mudge," and how he used to talk about 'Mitch Miller!' and play his air instruments. I loved Jeff and missed him after I moved back home. It was a difficult time in my life. In Hindsight, I realize now that those days at South Ave. were an instrumental part of my growth. Thank you for sharing Jeff with us. He was an inspiration and a treasured gift from God. God bless you and your family."~~~ How I relish these notes filled with memories of Jeff!

Inspiration from Journey With Jeff

 
"This is for you," Alan said one Sunday morning. He handed me a long stem of beautiful blooms of sweet-smelling lillies. "I finished reading 'Journey With Jeff,'" he said, "and thought you ought to have this." He added that he wasn't sure if this was appropriate, but I quickly replied, "How could it be any more appropriate!?" Alan told me a friend of his in Hawaii had a 53 year-old daughter with Down syndrome, and this friend had heard of 'Journey With Jeff.' "YOU HAVE TO READ IT!" Alan told him emphatically. I love receiving endorsements like this!!!
~~ Alan has been with our church family about a year now, finding small ways to be of help and encouragement, from shoveling snow to singing in the choir. He has begun attending our Friday morning 'Seriously Funny Bible Study,' where our discussions are punctuated by stories of God's grace. The short stories in 'Journey With Jeff' often have become illustrations, such as my refusal to accept the doctor's diagnosis of Jeff's retardation when he was a year and a half old. When I stopped demanding, "Why us, Lord?" and began asking, "Where do we go from here?" then we began to see God's grace working in the people God sent to help us. (God's grace also can be found in an extraordinarily beautiful stem of blooming lillies!)

A Caregiver Revitalized and Reinvigorated

 
It was just the right medicine this caregiver needed! The Fire Captain manning the serving table for a community dinner of barbecued chicken asked me how my book was doing. I wondered how he knew about Journey With Jeff. "The action has slowed down a bit," I replied. "That happens," he sympathized. I pondered the connection we may have had as my husband, Bob and I enjoyed the deliciousness of the meal. When we left, I asked him how he was aware of Jeff's story. "I took your picture at the Barnes & Noble Author's Event last year. Remember the fireman I was phographing all evening, and then he gave you the copy of his poem, "Snowflake"? I asked you that evening how your husband was doing." Yes, I remembered. I had been twice-blessed!!

Caregivers, Take Note!

 
All Caregivers~~~plus many who have learned that the baby they are expecting may have special needs~~~please take a look at these words: "My face may be different, but my feelings the same. I laugh and I cry and take pride in my gains. I was sent here among you to teach and to love, as God in the heavens looks down from above. To Him I'm no different, His love knows no bounds; It's those here among you, in cities and towns that judge me by standards that man has imported, but this family I've chosen will help me get started. For I'm one of the children, so special and few, that came here to learn the same lessons as you. That love is acceptance, it must come from the heart. We all have the same purpose, though not the same start. The Lord gave me life to live and embrace, and I'll do it as you do, but at my own pace.-- Unknown author.~~~There are many e-mails, articles and blogs filled with the question about what it's like to have a child with Down syndrome. Comments and responses have spoken of the joy of being loved by one of these children, and of the help from new research and resources. I am deeply thankful that so much is going on these days with children who have special needs!

"Journey With Jeff" under Caregiver's Arm

 
"I'm bringing my copy of "Journey With Jeff; Inspiration for Caregivers of People With Special Needs" with me for our stay at Strong Memorial," a caregiver friend told me. She and her husband will be spending a couple of months at this University of Rochester hospital for cancer treatment for her spouse. Yes, caregiving for a child like Jeff may be different from caregiving for a spouse, but my friend believes she'll have the same feelings I wrote about dealing with Jeff being in the hospital. She pointed out the inspiration of the scripture quotes chosen for each of our God-stories. She liked the prayers following, which ranged from utter dismay at downturns in Jeff's health, to thanks for sending the right person at the right time, to exuberant praise when I sensed the holy in the ordinary.~~~My friend and I have not talked for almost five years as one thing after another has challenged her while being caregiver for her spouse. Now, I expect we may have some time together, with me as a "been there" listener and encourager. Perhaps she'll write an "Abba Father" letter or two to God, just as I did at low and high points.~~~O Healer God, put Your arms around this couple. Bless her as a caregiver, and heal her spouse quickly and thoroughly. Grant their doctors and caregivers at Strong much wisdom. Thank You! Amen.

 

Jeff and Mitch Miller

 
Earlier this week the world learned that Mitch Miller, a caring, charismatic, always smiling musician died at 99 years of age. Jeff enjoyed looking at his record album covers while listening to the "Sing Along With Mitch," popular songs, which came out in the early 1960's. A couple of long-time Lifetime Assistance, Inc. friends (who are sisters) wrote on their Facebook pages, "I bid a sad farewell to Mr. Mitch Miller followed by wonderful memories of an inspirational young man. Thanks, Mitch Miller for letting me think about him today." I replied, "Just a guess that you're thinking about Jeffrey Reisch and his great love of Mitch Miller? Jeff met him at Eastman School of Music in July 1988, when Mitch was here to conduct the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra. Were you one of the staff who arranged that?" She quickly replied, "No, I was not one of the ones that arranged that meeting. I just remember hearing 'Mitch Miller!' so many times from Jeffrey. Anyone who knew and loved Jeffrey was well aware of his love for Mitch Miller. When I learned he had passed away my first thought was that Jeffrey would be so upset." Dennis Brown, one of the LAI managers who has been with LAI more than 30 years wrote, "Jeff was probably there to welcome him when he crossed over. What I wouldn't give to see that!" Yes, Dennis, that's exactly what I was thinking!!!~~~Another great outcome of these Facebook messages, is that I learned Marla Chefalo was the one who arranged Jeff's meeting with Mitch Miller. She said, "It was so much fun! They were both such good guys! I thought of that when I heard." My thanks to you for good memories because of your special efforts, Marla! The second sister concluded, "It's nice to have such happy memories returned to us. Jeff will forever be remembered with a song in my heart. Thank you for sharing him with the world." YES!!

More Alike Than Different

There are so many good things happening for people with special needs this summer! The National Down Syndrome Congress held its convention in Florida at Disney World. There's a great "We're More Alike Than Different" campaign happening, full of stories of how people with special needs are impressing the world around them. I loved the photo of Anthony Shriver (nephew of John F. Kennedy) lifting up a competing swimmer at Camp Shriver in Boston to congratulate him in winning.~~~Our son, Jeff would have loved all this activity. He began attending Special Olympics Events when he was little. Their Oath said, "Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt." Here is an excerpt from "Journey With Jeff; Inspiration for Caregivers of People with Special Needs," titled, "Courage! Sharing! Joy!"~~~"Good morning, God!" The chaplain, Jeff's dad, asked God's blessing on the day as the bright, warming May sky welcomed the Special Olympic games. Our excitement for Jeff and the other participants was brimming over. Jeff's teachers plus several of the families of his classmates were eager to cheer on every athlete's endeavor to succeed. Special Olympics began for Jeff in the spring of 1970 in Dunkirk, when he was almost 9 years old. I am eternally thankful to Eunice Kennedy Shriver, who started a day camp with her husband, Sargent, in their backyard in the early 1960s. This day camp for individuals included her sister Rose, who was developmentally disabled with mental retardation, and it launched the way for Special Olympics in the United States and around the world. Our opening parade in the city of Jamestown began forming with the mayor and our state senator at the head. A Sousa march burst forth from the loudspeaker, accompanying the athletes around the track, and their excited waves fired our applause. Then the sight that continues to thrill me every time I see it -- a runner lighting the Olympic torch. Let the games begin! The cheers from parents, teachers, aides and clasmates were deafening! At the end of the event each athlete received a special hug, among much cheering and applause. People in charge made sure all players were rewarded. In the 1970s everyone received a ribbon, even if it was simply for taking part. Now it was Jeff's turn for the softball throw. "You go, Jeff!" He earned a red ribbon -- second prize! "Yay! That's great, Jeff! Come get your hug!" (My prayer at the end of that day was, "Hallelujah! What a day! All that courage and sharing and joy! You enjoyed it, too, didn't You, Jesus?"

Parents as Advocates

 
These three women and I joined together in the mid-sixties to create an Association for Retarded Children. (In later years it became the Association for Retarded Citzens.) Each of us had a child with special needs, and we became aggressive advocates in order to learn everything we could to help them become all they were capable of being. In Massachusetts at this time, Eunice Kennedy Schriver and her husband had begun a Day Camp in their backyard for their daughter Rosemary and other children with special needs. This evolved into Special Olympics, which has grown into International Special Olympics today. When we moved to the Rochester area in 1976, ARC was already here. BOCES (Board of Cooperational Educational Services) continued to help Jeff with his learning. By the time Jeff was ready to move on, LAI (Lifetime Assistance, Inc.) had programs and residences ready to help. For the nine or ten years that Jeff was blessed by these services, I served on the LAI Board, whose programs and residences have extended to a total of 40. Several other Associations are also in the area. Now that professionals begin working with children with Down syndrome much earlier than we'd been able to when we began ARC in Port Jervis, NY., these students are graduating from school and even taking college courses! We've come a long way, Baby! YES!!

Keeping A Sense of Humor

When Jeff was little he created this hat for his daddy out of the innards of a box he found. He made us laugh heartedly -- as he made something out of nothing! Part of bringing up a child who lived with Down Syndrome demanded that we keep a sense of humor. (That has helped a great deal these past weeks as I attempt to get my computor working again after the chirps and clicks in the tower indicated the end of my hard drive.)~~~Meanwhile, "Journey With Jeff"continues to make ripples in the lives of readers of Jeff's story. One of the women in our Lutheran congregation is a nurse who's going back to school to advance her degree. Her family of teens and pre-teens with all their activities create an awesome schedule! She says, "Journey With Jeff"has great short chapters that I could read, and put down, then pick up again without forgetting what I'd read. I really enjoyed that book!"~~~A fellow-writer at a new group I've started attending followed up a meeting with a message to me on Facebook. She wrote: "I just finished reading the book about your son and very much enjoyed it. I like that you didn't glorify what happened -- you were very honest about your feelings and experiences, good and bad. Thank you for writing about your son." And,I thank you for YOUR encouraging words!

Community Caregivers

There's a house on the other side of our back fence, where several people with special needs live. It reminds me of the Residences Jeff lived in for the nine years after he "Moved On" from home, at age 18. A woman is sweeping the porch. A man is enjoying the backyard swing. Yesterday several people were painting their side of our fence. There is always something going on! A family of residents and the Lifetime Assistance Inc. staff are enjoying the sunshine together, as well as dealing with someone who vies for attention by roaring like a lion. (Which sounds like something Jeff might have done, too!!!) I'd like to wiggle my nose and create a Gate I could walk through, and remind them again of Jeff and friends who used to gather for the Seeds group at a local church.~~~Maybe it's a Time-Gate I'm looking for as I remember the great times which we also enjoyed with Jeff's old friends?! (Photo is a view of the house from my backyard, at dusk on a cold night.)

Smiles for Caregiving Memories

 
"Jessica?" At her grandfather's funeral today years tumbled over one another as the young woman and the golden-haired toddler she was carrying traded places and Jessica was again the baby in the story, "Jeff's Sense of Humor," in Journey With Jeff.Jeff was a teenager then, just shy of a year since moving from home to live in a Residence for people with special needs. "There's a baby next door," I told Jeff during his four-day Easter vistit at home. "Want to go and meet Jessica?" "Baby, Mom?" he asked. "Next door?" "Yes, Sue B. invited us over to see her granddaughter. Can you say, Jessica?" After a few attempts, we decided to shorten it to 'Jess.' Sue introduced Jeff to four-month-old Jessica, who was alert and smiling at everyone, including him. "Cute!" he said to Sue, pointing at the baby. In a few minutes he left the stool beside Jessica to have the cup of hot chocolate Sue offered him. The baby began to fuss so her mother gave her a pacifier. Jeff grinned! "Look Mom, a mute!" A mute? Then I burst out laughing and had to explain. "You know how Jeff loves all the instruments, and how a mute goes into a trumpet or trombone to soften the music? This, then, is a baby's mute!" Everyone laughed at Jeff's joke, so he repeated it over again and again with a very wide grin, "Yeah, Mom, a mute!"~~~I hadn't seen Jessica for about five years. We hugged, and she mentioned the comparison between today and years ago. Sue B., her grandmother, has the CD "Journey With Jeff," but not the book. So, as I left the family's home later that afternoon the people were looking thru the pages to find the story about Jessica. Thank You, Lord, for good memories and warm reunions!