Movin' On (Continued)

 
We were proud, too, eighteen months after beginnng these respite weekends when Jeff received an award at BOCES for gaining three years of social growth...in one! Teachers and social workers, advocates and stff worked hard to understand Jeff's needs and to meet them. Our communication was open, honest, and often. Although he balked at going to the residence, once there, he didn't want to leave. I felt guilty when we made him go...But I knew Jeff would become much more independent if he didn't have his mother to make his sandwiches for him! When Jeff's seizures grew worse and more often, the uneasy staff indicated that Monroe Developmental Center was a better set-up to handle Jeff's situation. I had difficulty even saying "institution." Such a repulsive, jarring word. "Center" tasted better...gave more hope, more courage. Bob said we'd really done all we could for our eighteen-year-old. Jeff came back from his MDC respite weekend a happy person, asking to go back again right after school the next day. On the Sunday bfore Jeff moved into the Center, his sister baked a cake to share with our congregation. "Movin' On" was emblazoned across the top. I couldn't believe how joyfully Jeff went to live at MDC! Bob held out his hand and shook Jeff's hand. "Well, son," he said, "Goodbye. We'll be seeing you." A week later Bob confided that when it was time to leave Jeff...for good...he wondered if he'd lose control. Such an adult exchange of good-byes hid the depth of pain. A dozen professionals came for Jeff's 30-day-evaluation at MDC. We felt overwhelmed and excited with this supportive team...all these people were working for Jeff! Bob and I surprised Jeff after the 30-day-evaluation at the Center. He was playing his records, reluctant to come out for a hug. But he did. Then he said, "You and Dad...Back home!" Rejected! This visit seemed to complete the break from home. We both laughed, but I started to cry as the door shut behind us. No tears from Jeff...tears all week from me. I felt cheated, because I was no longer in control. Feelings! They're neither good nor bad, right? They just...are. (To be concluded.)